While people are struggling in relationships. My struggle lies between the choice of fixing my life by upskilling or watching one more series episode.
A toxic reality show runs in my brain every evening. One thought appears to be to build a new life by learning new skills. While the immediate next thought is that I deserve some rest for a reset, the series episode will just last for 24 minutes.
And in most of the cases, the thought of the next episode overpowers the upskilling thoughts. To get out of this vicious loop, yesterday I made a perfect setup on my desk to finally start upskilling. Water bottle full! Notes ready! and Laptop open!
This type of setup made me feel that finally my life is under my control. And I started searching for the trending high-earning skills? This felt like a big life-changing moment. But then I heard TaDum! and Netflix asked me if I wanted to continue with the next episode. This feels like the better and more powerful version of procrastination.
By this point, my brain was behaving like it has a multiple personality disorder. A motivational podcast was played by one side of the brain, which is more future-oriented and responsible stating:
1. You are in need of more discipline at this time
2. Your future self will thank you for the decision of upskilling
3. Vision of a longer term is beneficial
While the other portion of the brain, which is entertainment and chill oriented, kept insisting:
1. Learning also comprises development of character
2. Peace should be your priority you have worked enough
3. Relax!
Valid and constructive points were made by both personalities of my brain. But by this time i felt so drained, confused, and indecisive. The laptop screen deserved a stare, as it will help me decide, and my entire future is dependent on it.
Play Episode
Or
Watch a Tutorial
There is constant flipping between the tab of the series and the tab of the new course. My brain got so foggy that I started watching motivational videos in place of an actual tutorial to get into the productivity zone first. This is also considered in the terms of modern society as self-improvement. But it felt illegal not to be productive and just watch the productivity videos.
Finally, my brain created the most destructive thought,
“Before upskilling i will have dinner, and while having dinner i can watch the next episode.”
For about 96% of the time in the history of my life, this strategy has failed. After me binge watching 4 episodes of the series, Netflix asked me if I was still really watching?
My answer to this was that I am actually just surviving the battle of the choices. And post this, the deadliest thing happens, guilt being triggered immediately. It’s already sleeping time by now, and the fear of the next working day overpowers me, and I decide to overthink until I sleep. Mental productivity strategies are built, and I watched the tutorial halfway through.
Baby steps are how I will build my future, and I shouldn’t be harsh on myself. My brain portrayed as if I had accomplished something. This is the classic incident of my Productive Procrastination!
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